Why We Suffer

You fell asleep last night after another long day of getting nothing accomplished. You woke up this morning feeling the same way you did last night; not wanting to get out of bed, much less make an appearance in public. You’re sitting at your desk at work minding your own business when suddenly you feel sick. Your stomach is in knots, you feel as though you might vomit. You’re so sick of feeling this way for no apparent reason. You feel great and happy for about 3 hours, but the next 3 are the most miserable you have felt for that day. Do any of these circumstances apply to your daily life? Where is God in this? Why is He allowing this to happen to you and why won’t he do anything about it?

I was openly telling someone about the panic attacks I have at work the other day, when a coworker said, “man, that really sucks.” It occurred to me in that moment that there are people who do not struggle with mental health at all. I couldn’t believe that the thought shocked me. Unfortunately, not everyone around us is going to understand what goes on in our heads, but fortunately, there are enough people that DO struggle with mental illness to prove that it exists, and that we’re not crazy.

Reason #1 why God has allowed this to happen to you: because it happens to other people too. That seems a little silly at first, I know, and kind of unfair, but let’s look at 2 Corinthians 1:3-7.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.” (ESV)

In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul is trying to convey that without suffering, we would not be able to experience God’s comfort. Experiencing God’s comfort helps us show others what God has done in our lives so that they too may believe and ultimately have comfort; resting in the promise of eternal life.

If you’re reading this right now and you are in the darkest spot it feels like you’ve ever been stuck in, these words may just rub you the wrong way. You may feel like you haven’t experienced a single ounce of comfort from God or anyone in your life during this time. I was there, unable to get out of bed and eventually life got better, and I must admit I didn’t fully understand how, but If this is the place you’re in today, all you need to do is take a baby step. Write down the word comfort somewhere to remind you that eventually you can allow yourself to feel comfort. Write the entire passage down in a journal. Get out of bed for just 5 minutes to make a cup of coffee or tea and stare out the window. You can do small things. I believe in you.

Reason #2 God is allowing a mental illness in your life could be to fulfill His ultimate plan for your life. This one is hard to accept at first. It may take years to figure this one out, but remember how I was just talking about baby steps? The same process applies here. I never imagined I’d feel called to write, minister, and speak to girls my age about mental health until one day I woke up from a dream where GADGirls was plastered across my mind and I was aware of the lack of recognition of mental health in the Christian community. Your story is unique, and will be different, but until you get your calling, your passion, and your realization, pray for it eagerly. You don’t have to just sit around while you pray either. Learn to be self-aware. What do you really like and what do you hate? Analyze your personality and your gifts. Write your dreams and goals down. If you can’t bring yourself to write things down quite yet, hold onto your promise of comfort. You’ll get there. I strongly recommend the book You’re Already Amazing by Holley Gerth if you need help analyzing yourself (it sounds funny, I know).

Reason #3 God is allowing a mental illness in your life is because, sister, you need a wakeup call. This pill may be a bit hard to swallow. Your mental illness is not a punishment, but it may bring you so low, that you have no choice but to run to your Father. You cannot find comfort anywhere else. Sorry, let me rephrase. You cannot find true comfort anywhere else. There are things that numb the pain, like alcohol, parties, drugs, porn, tobacco, but if you find that any of those things brings you comfort I’m gonna need you to send me some of what you’re doing (IM KIDDING), but seriously young lady, it’s time to walk towards your only true source of hope and healing, and that is God, who is in constant pursuit of your heart, soul, mind, and strength.

So why does God continue to allow the mental illness in your life? Because he loves you. Because he wants you to love others like He loves you. Because He wants you to want Him back. Because in this world there will be suffering and we were never meant to go it alone.

I hope you find you.

Forgive me, for this post was written amongst tremendous mental spiritual warfare. I feel as though I cannot get one complete thought down without a wave of doubt and inadequacy filling my soul. I have wanted to write for a while now, but have been so overcome with sadness and frustration in almost every aspect of my life that I would blame my inability to sit down and actually do something on not having enough time. The fact that I’m even writing something right now probably makes the devil pretty scared, so here goes nothing.

Who am I? This is the question that has been nagging me for about 2 weeks. Life circumstances have given me, oh so generously, the opportunity to take a step back and analyze myself. I don’t know if I’m the only one, but when I think about analyzing myself, I want to mentally run the other way and analyze the next episode of The Fosters on Netflix, which is what I’ve been doing for the past 2 weeks. I don’t want to face myself. I don’t want to figure out something else about myself that needs a little tending to. I thought surely by now, after those fundamental years of high school, and life-discerning years of college, I would have a perfectly orchestrated answer to this question.

So why can’t I give you my perfectly orchestrated response? I am not afraid to admit this anymore, because I know I’m not the only one, but I have never known a life without a safe place, a crutch, or anything that is tangible to me that I can always come back to to find stability in a scary world. For me, that has always been a boy. For you, it could be a job, alcohol, drugs, money, you name it. You know what it is. I have spent my life from the time I was old enough to see everyone was in a relationship except me until the present searching for “The One.” It’s okay, I’m rolling my eyes at myself too.

My answer to who I am has always been the name of the boy I’m dating at the time. No, not literally, but in my heart I’ve known it all along. I’ve denied its danger for a while. I’ve carried this self-proclaimed label of “the girl who’s always in a relationship” around like a weight that I don’t want to drop for years and have consciously decided that I might as well live up to the name.

So where do I go from here? If you’re in my shoes, where do you go from here? I would not be fulfilling the mission of this blog if I didn’t at least try to walk through this with you. I do not have all of the answers, but I want to encourage anyone that feels the same way I do in a world that has an answer for everything.

That weight that you’re carrying around that you’re afraid to drop because you’ve carried it for so long…you need to drop it. It is going to hurt; maybe like nothing else has hurt you before. It’s a new kind of pain; the sting of shame and guilt. You’re going to feel weird for a while, maybe even numb. Because you’ve been carrying the weight for so long, it’s only expected that you’d be sore after working so hard to hold onto it. Let it go. You’re strong enough now.

Speaking of strong, start looking for your actual strengths. What are you good at? What personality traits have you developed over time that haven’t left your blooming persona in an age of emerging adulthood? (Side note: Adulting requires change so your personality traits will change over time, and that’s ok. I’m asking you to dig deep and find the patterns in your behavior that have caused you to act a certain way for a long period of time, good or bad.) Start brainstorming how you can use your wonderfully made personality and your God-given strengths to establish a purpose, mission, or passion. Now ask God how to fulfill it. That’s who you are. That’s what you’re here for.

So without a relationship, who am I? Who are you? Here’s what I’ve established so far. I am the author of this blog, which I started about a year ago because I learned that I’m passionate about something. I am just one girl, uniquely created by God, called to help and encourage one other girl who will help one other girl, who will help another, because my strengths are empathy, encouragement, and sensitivity. I am totally dependent on God for the rest of my life, not some gorgeous red-headed boy that will never be able to fulfill the desires of my heart, no matter how patient, empathetic, and caring he is, bless his heart. I am loved, cherished, fought for, unique, and worth it, and this last statement is something that you are too. Reader, friend, and sister, I hope you find you.


 “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.”

1 Peter 2:9


couple linking arms

What You Deserve

If you’re grieving right now, a common question that goes through your mind is probably “what did I do to deserve this?” You’re not alone. I’ve selfishly asked myself that question many times. In this post, I’ll be relating my points specifically to romantic relationships. For me, break-ups always feel like the end of the world. You may be going through a break-up right now, at the end of hope, and deeply discouraged. If you’re like me, you’re on a constant quest to find someone who loves just like I do, so here, I hope to tell you what you actually deserve and give you hope going forward, knowing what you deserve.

Disclaimer: I’m a sinner and I fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23) and I know I don’t deserve anything, and if you’re a believer, you should feel this way too, but I am so deeply burdened for young women who don’t know their worth and value in romantic relationships (because I’ve been that girl), so this title and post is meant to bring awareness to those who are simply settling.

You deserve to be pursued.

I’m not going to lie to you. Every time I hear and type the word “pursue” I want to condemn my Southern Baptist upbringing and Christian high school and college education. But it’s true! You shouldn’t have to bring yourself to do all of the work in a relationship. There’s a hard truth here, and it’s this: if he’s not pursuing you, he’s wasting your time. A man that truly pursues you, whether he realizes it or not, will take the time to get to know you, ask you questions (maybe even hard ones), text you back first, every morning, and every night (I know, this one is hard to believe), meet your friends and even hang out with them. A man pursuing you will want to do all of these things, and you deserve it.

You deserve to feel special. 

Everyone feels special in different ways. A good way to figure out what makes you feel special is by determining what your primary love languages are. If you haven’t taken the test or read the book (The 5 Love Languages), I can link the test below (this is in no way sponsored, I just think it’s really important to know and understand). My love language is receiving gifts. It makes me feel really special when my guy brings me something small (a coffee, a note, etc.,) because I know he thought about me at some point that day, and I know I’m loved, and I know I’m special. Figure out what your love language is and don’t settle for a man that isn’t willing to understand it.

You deserve to laugh. 

Gosh, laughing? Isn’t this a blog about depression and grief? Girl, can you even believe right now, that you deserve to laugh? I’m asking you to dream big right now and search deep within yourself and remember what it’s like to laugh. Those brief moments of happiness are what you deserve. Your sense of humor and his should align. Sometimes it doesn’t have anything to do with sense of humor. Sometimes he does things and they make you happy so you giggle. You deserve to giggle at those things.

You deserve to be told that you’re beautiful.

Going back to the love languages for a minute; if yours is words of affirmation, you need to make dang sure that your man is telling you that you’re beautiful, gorgeous, pretty, etc. every chance that he gets. If your love language is not words of affirmation, you’ll find that being told you’re pretty never gets old. You shouldn’t have to ask a guy to tell you you’re pretty or try to prove it to him. Be pursued.

You deserve to be prayed for. 

I could be way off base with this, but I can’t be the only woman in the world that thinks a man praying, especially your man, is extremely sexy. Please, go ahead, pray for the food, pray for the day, but most importantly pray for me. A man that prays for you definitely cares about you, and you deserve that.

You deserve to know where the relationship is going.

Another hard truth is gonna come from this one, girlfriend. If you’re not dating with the intention of marriage, what are you doing? I promise you, dating without the intention of marriage is another waste of your time. If you or him are not thinking about marriage, you are both setting yourselves up for self-inflicted hurt that could have been avoided all together.

You deserve support.

Some things in life require very hard decision-making processes, for example, choosing which college to attend, starting a business, finding your dream job, starting a blog, etc. The man that’s pursuing you knows your dreams and aspirations, therefore, he should support you in and through these decisions. I’m talking specifically about dating relationships. Marriage is (or should be) a joint decision. The great thing about being “single” is you still deserve to pursue your own dreams. Having a boyfriend should just be like having a support system and encourager.

You deserve forgiveness.

This one is hard. I’m not even sure how to write about it accurately but I’m going to try because it’s important. Forgiveness does not always mean staying together (again, in a dating relationship). I personally believe that being disloyal and cheating is a grounds for breaking off a relationship. But because we are loved by a forgiving God, we should also forgive and be forgiven. Forgiveness is part of maturity, and sometimes when you need forgiveness, an immature side of someone will bring itself to the surface and you’ll realize it’s not what you deserved anyway.

You deserve to be trusted. 

If he doesn’t trust you, there’s some issues he needs to work through first. Trust is vital in any relationship to avoid that self-inflicted hurt we talked about earlier. Trust me. 😉

You deserve to be valued.

This one is really hard to explain too because, if I’m being honest, I’m still learning what this means. Being valued ties into many of the things I’ve already told you that you deserve, but it also goes way beyond any earthly emotion or feeling. Being valued comes from knowing your own worth and not settling for less. Being valued comes from loving yourself and pursuing your relationship with God. Being valued comes from displaying a radiance in your life that the world can see, and once a man sees these things, he won’t be able to not value you because you value yourself.

“But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows”

Matthew 10:30-31

you're braver than you could ever believe picture

You’re braver than you could ever believe.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this little saying recently. Yes, it’s a bit random, but when it comes to anxiety and depression, I feel like people look at us (people with mental health problems) differently in that we must be so “strong” or so “brave.” Of course, these things are not bad, and are usually intended to be taken as compliments, but my mind also wanders and begs the question, “Why do I have to be the strong one?” and/or “What makes me so brave, exactly?”

I don’t remember what it’s like to live without fear; I was only about 8 or 9 years old before I had my first panic attack. I guess the bravery people are referring to is just being able to go throughout my day without panicking? See to me, this feels detrimental to my personality. I want to be brave by following God’s command to go somewhere and be a light. I don’t want to be brave because I didn’t cower in the corner of my room and think about everything that could go wrong over the course of my day. I want to be brave because I took a leap of faith when I accepted an entry level job; not because I didn’t forget to breathe. I want to be strong because I didn’t fall into the temptation to gossip about my coworker today; not because I held back the tears from the overwhelming amount of people actually surrounding me on the job. I want to be strong because I shared my testimony after being led by the Holy Spirit to do so; not because of the stigma centered around people with anxiety.

So tell me what the definition is of “strong” and “brave” because when I hear these things, I become a little confused. I know they mean well, and I understand their intention. You don’t have to have the same mental crises that I do everyday to earn your bravery card or your strength card. Pray during your time of struggle. Stay accountable, honest, humble, and kind and follow your convictions. Resist the temptation to do that thing you always go back to. Pick up your Bible and read a chapter. Just one. (I’m going to go do this now, because if we’re being honest, this is the hardest thing for me to do!) And while we’re being honest, I encourage you to do the same thing, because honesty is not only the best policy (LOL) but one of the most respectable and brave things a woman (or man) can do. There are women just like you and me struggling with all sorts of different things; not just depression or anxiety. If one of them steps up and confesses, then another won’t feel so alone in her struggle and will find more motivation to seek help and acquire a peace that she hasn’t felt in a long time.

When I was a little girl, I hated staying overnight at places that weren’t my own home. I used to cry and scream in the middle of the night just out of fear and separation from what I knew. I don’t remember if someone told me this, or if I just realized it one night. God could have very well revealed Himself to my 11-year-old self, but I remember thinking, Jennifer, you are not the only one awake right now. There are people across the world who aren’t sleeping. You’re not alone. To this day, if I’m having some sleep/night anxiety, this is the only thought and concept that calms me down and helps me rest.

This peace: that feeling of calmness and realization that you’re not alone, is something that we (gadgirls) have to make a priority in finding. You are already strong and brave without your anxiety disorder or your depression. Find your peace, take a breathe, and truly go live to be even braver and even stronger.

I want to end this post with a song instead of a verse tonight (or this morning if you’re a morning reader) If you attend church or listen to Christian radio, I have no doubt you have heard and have fallen in love with this song. If not, then give it a listen. It’s i-n-c-r-e-d-i-b-l-e. I promise.


If you’ve finished reading this post, and you liked what you read; if you haven’t already, please follow, like, and/or subscribe to my blog. I have so many things I want to do and so many young women like you I want to reach and I can’t do it without you! God bless you today and forevermore!

xoxo, Jennifer

Folded hands admitting defeat


I don’t know about ya’ll but I have good days and bad days, emotionally and spiritually. Today had all of the implications of being a good day, but somehow it just didn’t make the cut. I treated myself to things today; but that’s just it…they were just material things. The thing is, (sorry for the excessive use of the word thing, it’s only 11pm) before I knew Christ, I mean really knew Christ, material things satisfied me. I  could treat myself to some retail therapy and I’d be the happiest little five-foot-three girl walking around the mall there was.

Today was just the opposite. Of course in the moment I was enjoying myself, and I was with a dear girlfriend today so I enjoyed that fellowship time with her, but as soon as the worldly high was over, I was defeated. I overindulged on the things of the world today. Moderation is Biblical ya’ll and sometimes, especially as an entitled y-generation baby myself, we forget that too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Proverbs 25:16 says, “if you have found honey, eat only enough for you, lest you have your fill of it, and vomit it.” Well I have vomited it, and it doesn’t feel good. Here I sit with shopping bags on the floor, freshly painted nails, and a dead spirit. I am sick with a fever from the indulgence and infatuation over things most people could only dream of receiving. I am blessed and I forgot. I am rich and I forgot. I didn’t have enough to fill my cup today. Lord help me and others with a mind like me to see You to fill our cups and not things.

The world tells us, women especially, that beauty and status comes from stuff and…you guessed it…things. I have two questions for you. What did you seek today for happiness? Did you seek the Word? Did you pray? Or did you go to the mall and blow half of your paycheck on things. Did you help someone today? Did you buy someone a drink at Starbucks? Or did you spend an hour on Pinterest eyeing the things you don’t have yet. (For more conviction about social media, see Viewer Discretion Advised.) These are hard questions, but if you spent money on yourself today, I can almost guarantee you’re sitting in the same funk that I am. I wrote down some of the emotions I was feeling after today and I wanted to share them:

Sad, lonely, down, dull, scatterbrained, nonexistent, disgusting, and defeated.

As soon as I wrote down the word defeated, I knew there was something to share with you guys. There’s the connotation of the word defeated that I’ve been using throughout this post, and then there’s Biblical defeat, and I want to talk to you about Biblical defeat for a brief moment. One has a negative connotation and one has a positive connotation.

One of the reasons that the Word of God is available to us is to learn how to defeat the enemy, who is Satan. When we feel defeated, we need to defeat Satan in return. Satan got us into this mess and two can play the defeat game as long as God is on our side. James 4:7 is a verse I’ve been meditating on recently, especially with my battle against anxiety. It simply says, “…Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” Every time I feel an attack approaching I recite this verse in my head. It’s a reminder and a plea. We will never be defeated as long as we resist the devil. We are also given the armor of God that protects us and heightens our fight against the devil. (See Ephesians 6:10-18)

We have all of the means necessary to remain undefeated in this life God has gifted to us, but sometimes, and I suspect, you, like me, will fall into the worldly trap of buying things and envying things to potentially cure your search for happiness. Loved one, let this be a reminder that you will not find your happiness there; only defeat.

*(If you need further biblical proof that overindulgence of a good thing is a bad thing see 1 Cor. 9:25, Gal. 5:13., & 1 Tim. 6:10)

*(Other good verses on defeat: Luke 10:19, Rom. 8:38-39, 1 John 4:4, Isaiah 54:17)

Depression Playlist Girl wearing headphones

The GADGirls Depression Playlist

If you’re thinking this list is about to be a bunch of songs to cry to, think again! These songs are ones I have precariously picked for you loved one ❤ They’re meant to remind you that you’re not alone, that you’re loved, and that the only one who can bring you out of your depression is you with the help of your Savior. Without further ado, here’s a cautiously picked handful of feel-good, crying out to Jesus, give you a hug songs.

Worn – Tenth Avenue North

Overcomer – Mandisa

Surviving – Andrew Ripp

The One I’m Running To – 7eventh Time Down

You’re Not Alone – Owl City

Word of God Speak – MercyMe

Your Love is a Song – Switchfoot

When She Cries – Britt Nicole

We Won’t Be Shaken – Building 429

Something Beautiful – NEEDTOBREATHE

Here for a Reason – Ashes Remain

Moved By Mercy – Matthew West

Just Say Jesus – 7eventh Time Down

In Better Hands – Natalie Grant  *tear jerker*

Move – MercyMe

The Motions – Matthew West

By Your Side – Tenth Avenue North

He Knows – Jeremy Camp

The Sun is Rising – Britt Nicole

Strong Enough – Matthew West *tear jerker*

You Are Loved – Stars Go Dim

I’ll Keep On – NF


Comment your favorite, and be sure to share this list with others! You can subscribe to the official playlist here:

Coffee Book Depression Blanket Help

How to Know When to Seek Help (Depression Edition)

I know, I know, I have been MIA and I can’t apologize because I’m trying to get a degree. On the bright side, helloooooo spring break! Or maybe for you, if you’re reading this post, it’s not so bright, but that’s okay cause maybe I can help you seek some professional help. Feel better soon! ❤ (that was cheesy, please forgive me).

So there’s a couple things you know for sure. You’re sad. If you’re happy you can skip this post. You really, really, really, like your bed. Like nothing is motivating you to get out of it, ever. This is common for all of us maybe 3 times a week where it’s either really cold, you’re really tired, or you actually have nothing to do that day, but if you’re depressed, you have actual important things to do, but there’s nothing more important than staying in bed at this time. Sometimes, you don’t even want to get out of bed to eat. Also, you really just don’t want to socialize, really, for a while until you think you feel happy enough to.

Trust me, I’ve been there, I get it.

There’s some things you need to know before you keep reading, though.

  1. Admitting you have depression is kind of embarrassing, especially to your Christian friends. I don’t know why but when I truly came to realize that I wasn’t myself and it was because of depression, suddenly Bible verses were being forced down my throat and all I wanted was for it to stop. When you’re depressed, it feels like the Holy Spirit is so far away that even if you wanted to pray for your depression to go away, your prayer wouldn’t be answered. Being depressed also isn’t a normal thing, but it’s also not something you need to hide. The only way to come out of it is going to be to seek help.
  2. There are different degrees of depression. You can be slightly depressed or majorly depressed. I’m talking to my girls who have lost all hope in ever feeling better.
  3. Depression happens for a reason. Once you figure out why you’re sad, you’ll begin to feel better and be able to prevent future depression. Sometimes the things that make us sad get shoved down so deep that we forget about them, but they resurface in other forms, like depression.

Okay, now that we’re fully educated and informed, let’s get down to business.

  • You should seek help if the last social activity you were involved in was last semester. Girl, your friends love you! They don’t want to see you hurting, and maybe if you go hang out with them, they’ll be able to help you. God gives us special people in our lives so that we can help each other and keep each other accountable. Get out of bed, and go to that school sponsored event. I hear most of them have prizes! Who doesn’t like prizes??? If you really can’t muster up the motivation to go do anything, you need to seek some extra help. No shame girl, just do yourself a favor, because you are SO loved. (John 3:16)
  • You should seek help if your prolonged sadness has had any affect on your eating habits. This one goes both ways. When I’m sad, I overeat; especially the junk. Some people, however, don’t eat at all or develop eating disorders, whether they intended to or not. If this is you, please, seek help. It’s affecting your health now, and your health for your future. You only have one life.
  • You should seek help if going outside is one of the scariest things you think you could ever do. This one tends to happen when we get the mindset that there is something actually wrong with us, but we don’t want others to see it. We don’t want the constant “what’s wrong?” question. And the answer is always the same isn’t it? We’re tired. Which is half true, but the other half isn’t. We’re fighting a mental battle and losing terribly, and God forbid anyone else see our struggle. You’ll soon learn that the more transparent you are with your struggles, the less others will struggle. Keep your head up dear, and I dare you not to sing the Andy Grammar song. You might feel an ounce of happiness. 🙂
  • You definitely need to seek help if you’ve developed any kind of addiction. Porn, alcohol, tobacco, verbal abuse, physical abuse, anything that you hadn’t noticed before you were sad. These are just some of the things that we try to fill our happiness void with. They bring temporary pleasure, but more pain.
  • Finally, you need to seek help if you’ve developed a strong hate for the God you thought you knew. This one is tough, and it’s going to take a while to heal this relationship. Depression hurt me the most spiritually, and I don’t doubt it’s hurting you as well. It’s hard for me to type this out for you, and I’m being as authentic as possible. If you hate that your friends are trying to help you, if you hate all of the encouragement you’re receiving, and if you hate all of the spiritual hoopla that you’ve heard a thousand times before, you should seek help. It’s going to be so hard. You’re going to have to do this one yourself, beloved. I’m not telling you to seek help from your pastor. Definitely wait to do that one until you’ve sought some counseling or doctoral advice. But please at least do the latter.

If you relate to any of the above points, please talk to someone who is skilled in mental health. You will feel like a crazy person walking into the counseling office, and you won’t like it at first. You will probably be told there’s a pill for what you’re feeling, but take heart lovely, this is only temporary and you are NOT alone. Seeking help is the first step to the rest of your life.

Feel better, from your friend who has been there. This blog is dedicated to you. I love you.