If you’re grieving right now, a common question that goes through your mind is probably “what did I do to deserve this?” You’re not alone. I’ve selfishly asked myself that question many times. In this post, I’ll be relating my points specifically to romantic relationships. For me, break-ups always feel like the end of the world. You may be going through a break-up right now, at the end of hope, and deeply discouraged. If you’re like me, you’re on a constant quest to find someone who loves just like I do, so here, I hope to tell you what you actually deserve and give you hope going forward, knowing what you deserve.
Disclaimer: I’m a sinner and I fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23) and I know I don’t deserve anything, and if you’re a believer, you should feel this way too, but I am so deeply burdened for young women who don’t know their worth and value in romantic relationships (because I’ve been that girl), so this title and post is meant to bring awareness to those who are simply settling.
You deserve to be pursued.
I’m not going to lie to you. Every time I hear and type the word “pursue” I want to condemn my Southern Baptist upbringing and Christian high school and college education. But it’s true! You shouldn’t have to bring yourself to do all of the work in a relationship. There’s a hard truth here, and it’s this: if he’s not pursuing you, he’s wasting your time. A man that truly pursues you, whether he realizes it or not, will take the time to get to know you, ask you questions (maybe even hard ones), text you back first, every morning, and every night (I know, this one is hard to believe), meet your friends and even hang out with them. A man pursuing you will want to do all of these things, and you deserve it.
You deserve to feel special.
Everyone feels special in different ways. A good way to figure out what makes you feel special is by determining what your primary love languages are. If you haven’t taken the test or read the book (The 5 Love Languages), I can link the test below (this is in no way sponsored, I just think it’s really important to know and understand). My love language is receiving gifts. It makes me feel really special when my guy brings me something small (a coffee, a note, etc.,) because I know he thought about me at some point that day, and I know I’m loved, and I know I’m special. Figure out what your love language is and don’t settle for a man that isn’t willing to understand it.
You deserve to laugh.
Gosh, laughing? Isn’t this a blog about depression and grief? Girl, can you even believe right now, that you deserve to laugh? I’m asking you to dream big right now and search deep within yourself and remember what it’s like to laugh. Those brief moments of happiness are what you deserve. Your sense of humor and his should align. Sometimes it doesn’t have anything to do with sense of humor. Sometimes he does things and they make you happy so you giggle. You deserve to giggle at those things.
You deserve to be told that you’re beautiful.
Going back to the love languages for a minute; if yours is words of affirmation, you need to make dang sure that your man is telling you that you’re beautiful, gorgeous, pretty, etc. every chance that he gets. If your love language is not words of affirmation, you’ll find that being told you’re pretty never gets old. You shouldn’t have to ask a guy to tell you you’re pretty or try to prove it to him. Be pursued.
You deserve to be prayed for.
I could be way off base with this, but I can’t be the only woman in the world that thinks a man praying, especially your man, is extremely sexy. Please, go ahead, pray for the food, pray for the day, but most importantly pray for me. A man that prays for you definitely cares about you, and you deserve that.
You deserve to know where the relationship is going.
Another hard truth is gonna come from this one, girlfriend. If you’re not dating with the intention of marriage, what are you doing? I promise you, dating without the intention of marriage is another waste of your time. If you or him are not thinking about marriage, you are both setting yourselves up for self-inflicted hurt that could have been avoided all together.
You deserve support.
Some things in life require very hard decision-making processes, for example, choosing which college to attend, starting a business, finding your dream job, starting a blog, etc. The man that’s pursuing you knows your dreams and aspirations, therefore, he should support you in and through these decisions. I’m talking specifically about dating relationships. Marriage is (or should be) a joint decision. The great thing about being “single” is you still deserve to pursue your own dreams. Having a boyfriend should just be like having a support system and encourager.
You deserve forgiveness.
This one is hard. I’m not even sure how to write about it accurately but I’m going to try because it’s important. Forgiveness does not always mean staying together (again, in a dating relationship). I personally believe that being disloyal and cheating is a grounds for breaking off a relationship. But because we are loved by a forgiving God, we should also forgive and be forgiven. Forgiveness is part of maturity, and sometimes when you need forgiveness, an immature side of someone will bring itself to the surface and you’ll realize it’s not what you deserved anyway.
You deserve to be trusted.
If he doesn’t trust you, there’s some issues he needs to work through first. Trust is vital in any relationship to avoid that self-inflicted hurt we talked about earlier. Trust me. 😉
You deserve to be valued.
This one is really hard to explain too because, if I’m being honest, I’m still learning what this means. Being valued ties into many of the things I’ve already told you that you deserve, but it also goes way beyond any earthly emotion or feeling. Being valued comes from knowing your own worth and not settling for less. Being valued comes from loving yourself and pursuing your relationship with God. Being valued comes from displaying a radiance in your life that the world can see, and once a man sees these things, he won’t be able to not value you because you value yourself.
“But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows”