The week has only started and my perfectionist personality is kicking and screaming and it’s starting to show. It snowed today. The student in me says, “yay, I can do nothing today.” The perfectionist in me says,”You need to do laundry, clean up everyone else’s mess, lead 3 people to Jesus, and do all of your homework for next week.” Do you see why I’m kicking and screaming now?
I caught myself actually telling one of my quad mates to clean up her mess, like I had any authority to (Sorry Emily, I love you). Right now I’m surprised that none of the girls I live with have wrung my neck yet. I think that’s the beautiful thing, though. I can be imperfect by trying to be perfect, and people can still love my imperfect perfection. That’s exactly what we’re called to do, people! Jesus was the only perfect person to ever live. He reacted perfectly at the appropriate times. He even got angry and didn’t sin, and that’s mind boggling to me.
I was blessed to have a fellowship time this morning with my SLC (spiritual life coach), Rachael. (Shout out to you girl! You’ve waited your whole life for this). During that time I wish I could have enjoyed the blissful, quiet, snowy morning more than I did. Looking back I found myself planning out my schedule for the rest of the day; listing the things that needed to be accomplished. Ya’ll, I only got one thing done on my list. Now I’m in a slump that is too familiar. The slump that can lead to a deeper and darker depression the more you let it control you. I don’t like the slump.
You see, perfectionism can lead to depression without you even realizing it. Perfectionism is also a leading side affect of anxiety disorders. It’s not healthy and for good reason! We are born with a sin nature (Psalm 51:5). We are doomed as soon as we make it out of the womb. I like to think about it this way. If we were perfect, we would have no need for a God. If there was no need for a God, life would be worthless; after all, we were created to give Him all the glory. That is our ultimate purpose for existence (Isaiah 43:7, NLT). In other words, if you aim for perfection, you will not find any purpose, which is why you become depressed; aware or not. Is that a scientific enough explanation for you? It’s the best I have.
This post isn’t a long one, it’s just something that’s been on my heart for a while and I have stumbled over my words on this topic for a long time. It’s hard to explain because it’s a deeper issue than it seems. If you’re a woman, I know you struggle with some form of perfectionism, whether it be with your weight, your grades, your job, or your social life. You may never reach your goal weight, you may never have straight A’s, you may never get that raise, and you may never have the social status you wish to accomplish. Even if you never reach those things, it’s because God has something better for your life! I wanted a perfect boyfriend, but I got an imperfect, sports addicted, sometimes selfish boy who has loved my imperfection like no other man has. You will find your imperfect perfection when you follow God and delight in the little things. Get up tomorrow morning, taste every sip of coffee, be conscious of the people around you, and delight in your opportunity to learn new things in that class you hate. God bless you all!
James 1:4, “And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”