Hey, I know you. You’re crying. Doesn’t really seem like the water is going to stop flowing from your eyes either. It’s loud crying and then it’s just sniffles, but it’s still streaming down your face and you don’t think it’s going to stop. You were supposed to get married. You did all of the things you knew you weren’t supposed to do because you convinced yourself that they were okay…cause you were getting married. Right?
I’m not an expert on love, in fact, I really hate trying to explain love. I feel like, personally, I’ve experienced it in so many forms that it’s not possible for me to even try to explain to you what being in “true love” feels like. All I know is that Jesus was sent as our example of the BEST kind of love.
You could have been dating him for a week or for three years. I’ve had both of those time limits and sometimes I feel like they were equally as heartbreaking. It honestly depends on how infatuated you (are/were) with this guy. Why was he special? Why are you so upset? It’s got to be wrong to be upset longer than the period of time that you dated right?
Grief is so different for everyone. God created you and there’s no one else like you. Likewise, the way you grieve is going to be just as unique as you. I’m going to list a couple of lies that you are believing right now, and disprove them to you. So get out of bed, go get your Ben&Jerry’s and meet me right back here. I’ll be waiting. 🙂
- Stop believing that you don’t have the right to be upset when you only dated for a week. Some girls are going to think you are totally overreacting and that’s okay, because THIS girl, the one behind the screen did the exact same thing you are: crying over a boy that left me because “I wasn’t what he was looking for in a wife,” and “He still had feelings for his ex.” Great thanks bud, for confirming that lie that every woman believes that they’re not good enough, for putting me through the extravagant dates at sunset just to say, Jennifer, you’re not it. Go ahead, you can cry. Those other girls don’t understand because they’re not you and they don’t grieve in the same way. Every time you open your heart to someone, you give a piece of you away, and it’s supposed to hurt when that trust and vulnerability is taken away. So be upset, eat your ice cream, but don’t stay there forever. God has someone PERFECT for you, and being single is actually really fun. You can travel wherever you want to, take that internship in NYC and not even have to worry because who needs serious relationships? 😉
- Stop believing that if you suppress your feelings that they will eventually go away. Trust me on this, you will go from crying every day to feeling numb, emotionless, and uncontrollably sad. You won’t want to get out of bed. That is not a healthy place to be. Don’t sink into depression over an imperfect person. We’re all imperfect people. I know there’s a cliche saying that goes “Time heals all wounds,” which is true, but you have to grieve to heal. Have you ever had a really bad injury where you instantly have to cry because it hurts too much? Imagine trying to suppress your tears. Does that make it feel better? Of course not! You’re causing yourself more pain by holding back the tears because of the tension in your neck and throughout your body. The same is true for grief. Don’t hold back.
- Stop believing that you’re crazy. Yeah I know, he told you you where crazy because your Facebook, twitter, and Instagram is loaded with Taylor Swift quotes, and maybe you even plastered some on his car, but you’re not crazy (True story). You’re reacting. As time goes on and you mature, grieving will evolve and it becomes a bit easier because you understand yourself more. He’s going to think you’re crazy because he’s just as immature as you are when it comes to dealing with heartbreak. It’s okay. You’re supposed to get better at these things. I’m not saying you’re supposed to eventually be happy when you get your heart broken, but you will soon ask more of the right questions, seek God through the process, and re-stabilize your emotions.
- Stop believing there’s no one else out there for you. Alright, so you dated for 3 years, you had sex, there’s not going to be one single guy that wants you now. You couldn’t be farther from the truth. For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. (I wish these were my words, but those are God’s and they’re in Romans 3:23). Any man who says he hasn’t sinned is already a liar and a sinner. Your sin has been forgiven, and your future husband’s has been too. If a man has a problem with your past, then there’s a problem with his present, especially as a believer. There are guys out there who really want their wives to be pure and save their first kiss for the altar, and we do have to respect that sometimes, but I find that once you run closer to God, a man, THE RIGHT ONE, is going to look at you and see an imperfectly perfect person and not care about your baggage, your occasional immaturity, your bad habits, or your physical imperfections. The closer a man is to acting as forgiving and loving as Jesus, THERES YOUR SIGN HONEY, TAKE HIM AND RUN.
- Stop believing that being in a relationship is so much easier than being single. Being in a relationship has it’s props, but so does being single. Being in a relationship takes constant communication, constant accountability, and constant vulnerability. Being in a relationship takes maturity, bravery, selflessness, and above all, COMPROMISE. Being single involves no compromising, which means you can sit at home and watch Bride Day Friday on TLC without having to switch to football during the commercial break. Heck, why don’t you switch to food network since you have the TV all to yourself! 😉 Grab your girlfriends, go see a really sappy chick flick, go dancing, and don’t worry about any of those gross testosterone containing bodies. The right one will come along when you’re not even paying attention.
Psalm 34:18-20, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.”